Creating a Zombie Plan: Introduction
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Conclusion - Put It Together - October 22, 2009
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 4 - Well, Now What? - October 15, 2009
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 3 - I Kill You Scum - October 14, 2009
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 2 - Somewhere To Go - October 10, 2009
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 1 - Know Thy Enemy - October 9, 2009
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Introduction - October 8, 2009
Hello sir or madam.
Have you thought recently about what you would do in the event of … ZOMBIES?!? Planning now for the security and protection of your loved ones later is the duty of all living humans, because the undead will rise and devour the breathing. It's only a matter of time. Millions of hard working Americans have already invested in their well being by crafting their own Zombie Plans.
You could hire a Zombie Plan Consultant to create a Zombie Plan for you, but The Undeath is here to reveal the hidden secrets of the industry and direct you on what you need to know to construct your own custom Zombie Plans. Many will tell you of the importance of having a solid Zombie Plan in this day-and-age, some of them will boast about their own Zombie Plan portfolios, but very few will actually walk you through the considerations you need to be making when creating your first Zombie Plans.
What do I prepare for? What skills should I focus on? What can I expect after the zombies have overrun humanity? How do I choose a bad-ass zombie hunting name? In a series of posts here on The Undeath, you'll gain the insight needed to not only survive but thrive in a post-zombie future. Because quite frankly, if you survive the infection then the hordes will be smaller and easier for me to handle.
Properly constructed Zombie Plans can also be applied to a variety of apocalyptic situations: killer robots, cannibalistic desert folk led by pop divas, or the wrath of God. The skills acquired in zombie training are invaluable and can be applied to and enhance nearly all aspects of your every day life.
Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 1 – Know Thy Enemy
« Creating a Zombie Plan: Introduction
Before you can adequately develop and deploy your Zombie Plan, you will need to recognize which type of zombie you are dealing with. Begin writing your zombie plan by making an assumption on which one of these zombies your plan is going to address. At the minimum, you should at some point have at least one zombie plan per zombie type so that in all situations you'll have an appropriate plan of action. Fortunately, in almost all scenarios, a head-shot will do you a world of wonders.
Let's take a look at the various types of zombies you're likely to encounter in the brave new world in ruins and how that should affect your Zombie Plan. Remember, this is just the first part of your Zombie Plan. We'll cover more aspects of creating the ideal plan for your situation, but first we need to make sure that the foundations of your plan are adequately and appropriately handling the zombie issues at hand.
Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 2 – Somewhere To Go
« Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 1 - Know Thy Enemy
Somewhere to go … somewhere to hide. After assessing which type of zombies you need to prepare for, you need to figure out where you're going to set-up your initial stronghold. It's no use going out into the initial chaos guns ablazin'. Your gut may be telling you that if you just get out there soon enough and kill enough zombies then your town and loved ones will be saved. Truth be told, that line of thinking is what's going to get you front row seats to a double-barrel shotgun show after someone who waited a bit more needs to shoot you in the head.
After the initial wave of infection starts, chaos is going to ensue. While there is nothing wrong with chaos in general, when you mix people in a panic with firearms it's best to be somewhere else. Most of the people are going to be a lost cause anyway. Knowing the type of zombies you're dealing with gives you some latitude on picking your initial base of operations, but it's the not-zombies-yet people that can be your biggest problem and is why all Zombie Plans should count on getting to safety as quickly as possible.
Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 3 – I Kill You Scum
« Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 2 - Somewhere To Go
Now it's time we start talking about weapons. You may be thinking of gathering as many firearms as possible and hitting the hills. Slow down there, and let me talk you about this gun thing, because guns sound like a great idea at first, but so did shoulder pads in the '80s. Guns were created do one thing and do it well: hurt people. But guns aren't the be-all end-all solution and can cause more problems than safety. They're noisy and will attract zombies to your area; they are limited in both effective range and continuous attacking; and they introduce lots of little parts that can jam, get clogged, or simply break. Fixing, reloading, or unjamming a gun in a stressful advancing horde situation can be the difference between life and lunch.
In Step 3 of Creating a Zombie Plan, you should start to think about weapons you can make or pick up in your environment to kill zombies. Planning ahead will allow you to gain practice and knowledge about these weapons so when the zombie invasion begins you'll be ready to start killing them as if you've been a Zombie Headhunter your entire life.
Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 4 – Well, Now What?
« Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 3 - I Kill You Scum
You've survived the initial wave of infection. You've likely seen your loved ones die or had to personally kill some of them yourself. You've learned how to survive in a world ruled by the undead. Now what're you going to do?
Go to a national theme park? That's stupid.
You ultimately have two choices. There are actually many many more choices, but most of them involve various ways of committing suicide and why'd you bother surviving this long if that's the direction you're going to take things? Your two realistic choices are: carve out a bit of the wasteland as your own and start work on rebuilding a gated society; or take back the streets and become the hunter instead of the hunted.
Creating a Zombie Plan: Conclusion – Put It Together
« Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 4 - Well, Now What?
Have you been through all the lessons on constructing your Zombie Plan? If so, this part will help you pull all the pieces together and create a usable Zombie Plan that will help get you through an undead outbreak. Previous sections have covered the types of zombies you're likely to encounter, where you should be heading to, how you should be defending yourself, and what long-term plans you should be considering. Now, how does all this come together to create a Zombie Plan?
Put your hand down, that was rhetorical.
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- Creating a Zombie Plan: Conclusion - Put It Together
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 4 - Well, Now What?
- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 3 - I Kill You Scum
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- Creating a Zombie Plan: Step 1 - Know Thy Enemy
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